What were you thinking?

Scenario 1:

A couple walks into their house, the woman obviously flustered.  She throws down her purse and flings her jacket at a chair.  The husband meekly follows, locking the door, gingerly hanging up his coat. 

“Ugh!”  She is pacing around the living room wringing her hands.  “How could you be so stupid?  What were you thinking?”

“I’m sorry.  I wasn’t”

Scenario 2:

A group of friends reflects over a late night meal at Waffle House.  They are lounging, full and happy, laughing as they recount the events of earlier in the evening.

“I swear, I thought the guy was going to pull a knife out of his pocket any second and spit us all!”  He lunges at his friend with a leftover straw, and they all laugh some more. 

“I guess I’m just stupid – I thought he really wanted our help fighting the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide.  What were you thinking?”  He looks across at Jeff.

“I have to be honest – I knew the guy was messing with us the whole time.  I guess none of you took high school chemistry!”

Scenario 3:

A young man lies on a couch in a cushy office.  In a high-back chair next to him sits a psychologist.  He looks a lot like Steve Martin.  He might even be Steve Martin.  The young man speaks:

“I guess I can see her point. I mean, a blender does suggest a certain... reference to sexual politics, but I swear, it never entered my consciousness at the time.”

“What were you thinking?”

“You know those banana shakes she likes to make, right? Well, that's why I thought she'd like a blender.”

“And how did that make you feel?”

“..What?  That she liked banana shakes?  Haven’t I already been telling you what I feel?”

It’s amazing what a little change in emphasis can do to a sentence.  It is said that tone of voice (and I think that this number also includes things like emphasis) provides 38% of communication when speaking.  55% is facial expression, and only 7% is communicated by the actual words you speak.  That is to say, I’m probably communicating basically nothing right now. 

When I was in middle school, written communication was both a blessing and a curse.  Like most young teens of my day, I spent as much time as possible on Instant Messenger.  It was one of the safest ways to talk to girls without embarrassing yourself.  You had as much time as you wanted to think through how to say things.  You could just small talk if all else failed, and you didn’t need to worry about those awkward silences that can come up in real conversations.  Half the time conversations just sort of ended without even having to say goodbye. 

But then there were those moments when the lack of vocal and visual clues would drive me insane.  There I would be, talking to some girl I had a crush on.  We had just started our conversation and she would ask, “So what r u doing tonight?”

My mind would race.  Was that “So…what are you doing tonight?”  Was that a hint?  Was she twirling her finger in her hair as she said that, perhaps raising one of her eyebrows?  Was she asking if I wanted to go out with her?  Or was it “[You’re] so [boring], what are you doing tonight?”  Maybe when she said it in her head, she was completely apathetic, filing her nails as she responded in kind to my “what’s up?”  (I never even considered that she was saying “So what are you doing tonight?” and was actually curious.)

I would debate between “not too much” which would leave the door open to the possibility of actually being available, though I really wasn’t (I couldn’t drive and I wasn’t about to admit to my parents who my crush was), and “pretty busy - tons of homework in math,” which would force me to admit that I knew deep down this girl was not asking me out.  Back and forth, back and forth, and after ten minutes, I would decide it was too late to say anything at all, and I would just give up.

Later that night I would find myself in my room, listening to my traditional melancholy music – Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerto No. 2 – staring out my window as the rain dripped down the panes.  I had lost my chance.  If I had just said something, anything!  But now I would have to hide my face from her tomorrow, or I’d have to come up with some lame excuse about my dog eating the computer wire.  But I don’t have a dog.  So she’ll just think I was ignoring her, which isn’t the greatest way to get the girl. 

Man!  What was I thinking?